Dealing with the death of my father

Every time I sit down to write, I look at the clock and it is usually after midnight. During the day, I am so busy making phone calls, writing emails and taking care normal business but at night after everything calms down a bit, I feel the urge to write. I guess you can call it "Counseling" for myself.

I had a friend once who was dealing with several emotional issues in his life and a counselor gave him a little book to write in every time he had feelings that made him feel uncomfortable. He told me later how this was really helping him. He said that every time he wrote into this little book, he felt like he was expressing his feelings to someone who was not going to judge him. I guess this tells me that we all need someone to talk to. Someone that will listen. I don't know how many people read what I write but if it is not helping someone, at least it is helping me.

The Bible says in psalms 55:22 to "Cast Thy Burden to the Lord". I have a burden and I want to talk to about it. I know that these feelings that I encounter are shared by millions of people around the world.

I can explain totally how I feel with one sentence. I MISS MY FATHER. I want to see him so bad and I would to be able to talk to him and just put my arms around him. Does everyone feel this way when they lose a parent or do they just go on with their life without thinking twice? I have seen women who have lost a husband after being married for 40 or 50 years and six months later they are married once again. Is this strength or is it a weakness? My father died on May 20, 2007 and I especially at night, I feel a tremendous sadness enter my heart. A need to see him once again. A need to be told what to do because I know that my father always wanted the best for me. He taught me to be a man but am I less of a man because I miss him so much. So many questions and not enough answers.

I look back at the mistakes I made and I wish that I could go back and change many stupid things that I did that I am sure made my father suffer. I wonder how many nights he prayed for me when I was not in the Lord's will. I wonder what he thinks about me now. There is a song that Mercyme sings called "When I finally make it home". This songs talks about many of these same feelings. Here are the words.

I'm gonna wrap my arms around my daddy's neck
and tell him that I've missed him and tell him
all about the man that i became
and hope that it pleased him
there's so much i want to say
there's so much i want you to know.

The best advice I can give is a verse that I read in the Bible. Read and meditate over this passage and then pray.

Psalms 62 - 7-9
6He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved.
7In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
8Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.


Here is the video of the song When I finally Make it Home. I hope this is a comfort to your life.



May God Bless You,
Philip Tyson
Samaritan Revival